i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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