whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
