i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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