Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you will always have a special place in my vag
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
