you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
