Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
