Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck appropriateness.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
