"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
