I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
