3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
