summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
