i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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