I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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