Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
