I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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