I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
