he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
