Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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