I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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