Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
