May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
