i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
