Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
