I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
