I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
