There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
