You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
