you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
