what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
