She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
