Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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