And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
