I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
