My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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