The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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