Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
