Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
