he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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