I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
