Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
