he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Who died my cat blue again?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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