it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
