There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
