i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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