I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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