Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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