Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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