Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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