Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
