Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
