My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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