Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
