remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
