Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
